Long time no blogging ...

It's been over three weeks since I've had the time to share anything here - busy. That's how the past three weeks have been.



Busy. Emotional. Stressful. Hectic. Overwhelming.



The night before my first night back to work was horrible. I sat on the couch holding her in my arms bawling for hours. I cried so much that my face burnt from all the tears and my eyes were swollen. Knowing that the next day I'd be walking out the door, leaving her behind for 9+ hours was killing me.



That first day, telling her goodbye was more painful than anything I'd ever felt. I kept wondering if she'd wonder where I was, why I'd left or worry that I wouldn't come back. I held her forever that morning, until the last possible second, and then kissed her goodbye through tears, handed her to Matt and walked out the door...back to work.



I cried that day at work, a lot.



Luckily Matt stayed with her the first week and then my sister and nephew came out to watch her-that helped so much. Knowing while I was adjusting to working again she was still at home with her Daddy and then her Aunt made it much easier those first two weeks.



Matt was an amazing stay at home dad that first week-he had amazing dinners ready each night came home, the house was always clean and the laundry caught up. Honestly, he did more than I did while I was home with her!!



Aunt Maegan spoiled McClellan rotten while she was here. Miss McClellan will be stylin' with all the new clothes that she got!! Keeton was a great helper too!! They came to see me at work one day and we all went to lunch and McClellan got to see everyone I work with.



Week 3 brought the dreaded start of daycare. Honestly this day was easier than I thought it would be. I think having already been back at work for two weeks helped. We'd also gone to Miss Erica's house for dinner the week before-we got to meet all the other kids and parents that McClellan will be hanging out with during the day. That was a HUGE help-McClellan got to meet Erica and Brandy, we got to watch them interact with her and get more comfortable with the whole idea.



My daily schedule looks something like this:

5:00am - wake up, shower, get ready

5:45am-go in and turn on McClellan's radio and soft light to start waking her up

6:00am-get McClellan up, change her diaper and b/f her

6:20am-McClellan gets passed off to Matt while I get dressed and race out the door

6:30am-I'm out the door between 6:30 - 6:40 and heading to Castle Rock

7:15am-Typically I get to the office by 7:15

4:00pm-time to race out the door and head to day care to get Punky

4:45pm-arrive at daycare and see the smiles I've been missing all day!!

5:00pm-arrive home-McClellan has already fallen asleep in the car on the way home

~unpack diaper bag, repack diaper bag, change my clothes, unpack my lunch dishes from work, start dinner...

5:45pm-McClellan starts to wake up, diaper change and get ready to feed her

6:30pm-Matt gets home, finishes making dinner

7:30pm-We eat dinner and McClellan falls asleep, again

~clean up kitchen, make lunches, get things ready for the next day

9:00/9:30pm-feed McClellan and get her ready for bed

~finish cleaning up and get ready for bed

10:30pm-I'm heading to bed and exhausted I crash within seconds...yes I mean seconds



It sucks. If you look at the schedule you'll see that I'm with McClellan for 30 minutes max in the mornings and about four hours in the evenings-at least two of which she's sleeping. I see my daughter, awake, for a total of maybe 2 1/2 hours a day Monday - Friday. It blows.



Trying to squeeze in tummy time, book reading, cuddle time and feeding during all 2 1/2 hours.



::sigh::



It makes me sad. I cry a lot. I feel like in the mornings, I'm not really "with" her-I'm watching the clock the entire time knowing that I must be done by 6:20 so I can get dressed and out the door on time. There is very little room for error with my schedule. I have to leave home on time to get to work and I have to leave work on time to get to daycare.



I feel like I am burning both ends of the candle ... but, it is what it is.



To say that I'm not jealous of Matt for getting leisurely mornings with her before he takes her to day care...yeah, that would be a lie. They get cuddle time and then take a walk with the dog while I'm racing to get to the office and starting my work day. Jealous-absolutely. Happy-yes, that too. Happy that McClellan gets this special time to bond with her Daddy.



::sigh::



This is our new life, and every second counts.

Dear McClellan,

Tomorrow my title gets a little longer. I'll go from Mother...to Working Mother.

This means that tomorrow morning I have to get up really early, and sadly that means I have to wake you up really early too. I'm going to have to go back to work tomorrow and leave you at home-luckily this first week you'll get to stay with your Dad and next week your Aunt Maegan and Cousin Keeton are coming out to take care of you.

I want you to know that there is nowhere I'd rather be than with you, and that if there was anyway I could stay home with you I would...but I can't. Don't think for a second that I want to leave you behind and be away from you all day-that couldn't be further from the truth. If I could, I'd stay with you every second of every day, listening to your little giggle, getting lost in your gummy grins and holding you in my arms and watching every second of you growing up. You have no idea how hard this is for me little one.

I want you to know that no matter what my title is and how long I have to be gone during the day, my most important job will always be being your mom. There is nothing that is more important to me than you are, believe that.

These past 14 weeks have been amazing...you are a true dream come true and I never imagined that I'd be so lucky.

Don't doubt that I'll be thinking of you every second of every day and that as soon as I can I'll be rushing out of the office to come home to you. I probably won't let you go all night-so be prepared for tons of cuddling and kisses!

I will miss you more than you will ever know.

Love you forever and a day-
Mom

3 months old!!

McClellan is 3 months old today and growing like a weed! Today she weighed 13 lbs 3/4 oz - I took her into the Doctor's office to check on her.

Her third month brought about lots of changes and more firsts-

~Rolling over from her back to her stomach! Apparently this is the "harder" roll over too!

~Sitting up and staying there with a little help - she can do it and not fall over!!


~She's started grabbing on to things-my hair, her bottle, toys, blankets-you name it she's grabbing it!



~Giggling-she giggles and responds to you laughing with giggling back at you-it's honestly the cutest thing I've ever heard!



~Crunches-this kid is going to have abs of steel! If she's on her back, no matter where, she's lifting her legs and torso and doing little crunches-she's going to have amazing abs!



~She is no longer being swaddled at night-we went cold turkey with getting rid of the swaddle and she hasn't woke up a single night! No miracle blanket, no swaddle, no sleep sack-no nothing!



~She had her first temperature-BOO! She ran a temp of 100.2 last week-which may explain why she wasn't "performing" for Ann at her 3 month photo shoot!



~She had her first mountain trip & gondola ride on our trip to Breck' last weekend-she loved it!





~She's so wiggly now-it's hard to change her diaper these days she's so squirmy!!





~She loves laying on her back, grabbing her toes and rocking back and forth-it's so funny to watch!





I can't believe my little girl is growing up so fast!

Weekend in Breckenridge

We headed to Breck' this past weekend for a little getaway before I have to head back to work.



Saturday we headed to Quandary Grill for Happy Hour and the gorgeous view!





McClellan and Sophie were loving the view and mountain air.

This was the view from outside the house we rented-not bad 'eh? The weather wasn't the best unfortunately-rainy and cloudy the whole weekend pretty much.

We rode the gondola up to Peak 8 for some great scenery and a little hike. McClellan loved it and Maddie was super happy to finally have some time without it raining!

She was absolutely perfect the entire weekend-she loved being outdoors and everywhere we went people kept commenting on how good she was and how cute our little girl is-of course we couldn't agree more.