"The whole world in my arms"

It's been a rough week, a really rough week, and it's only been 2 days long. Frankly, it's really been a rough month or so. Work has been super chaotic and it's been a struggle.

Today was the straw that broke the camel's back. It's a long story and frankly not one worth the time to type it all out and certainly not worth your time to read.

The short version is that I *had* to leave work exactly on time today in order to pick up our CSA share in Castle Rock (I had to switch our pick up time/location this week as we're leaving town tomorrow morning) and still get to daycare on time. Simple enough, right?

Wrong.

I got a last minute call, right as I should have been walking out the door. Something that I *had* to deal with before leaving since I wasn't going to be in the office again until next week.

So, I did eventually leave. Late. 20 minutes late.

No time to go pick up our CSA share and barely enough time to get to day care on time.

So I raced to day care, sliding in just under the wire.

And then...

I drove back to Castle Rock and went to pick up our CSA share.

Except there was a roll over accident on I25 so it took forever to get there.

On the drive back home, one lane of Parker Road was shut down, so it took forever to get home.

So my little girl sat in her car seat for 2 1/2 hours tonight. I should have just said "forget it" and blown off the CSA pick up. But I didn't...so completely not fair to her.

She didn't make a sound. She napped for a little bit. She babbled and "told me about her day" and I apologized to her over and over again while tears streamed down my face. She was perfect.

We made it home, I fed her a batch of oatmeal and some butternut squash, two hours late.

30 minutes later, I was feeding her a bottle, with my face nestled up against hers. Feeling her soft cheek against mine. Smelling that wonderful baby smell. She wrapped her hand around my finger and held on tight while she finished her bottle.

I had my whole world in my arms and all of a sudden the stress of the day, the week, the past month no longer mattered.

In those moments I realized, at least tonight, if not always, I need her more than she needs me.